Sunday, June 25, 2006

Cinema Services I wish to exist!

I wish I have this kind of services in the Malaysian cinemas not just the Gold Class:

Ticket operator: Hi, what movie would you like to watch?
Me: 9:30pm, -movie title-.

TO: Ok, how many person?
Me: Two.

TO: Here are the available seats, please select.
Me: K10 and K11, middle just nice.

Me: By the way can I have the reserve seats?
TO: There are only open to half an hour before movie start if no tickets collected.

Me: I don’t care, reservation are for lazy people. I am a genuine customer here and have preferred your cinemas over others. I queued for 20 minutes to get two tickets and which that 20 minutes I can used it to shop or walk around and spend my time efficiently. Doing so, your cinema secured my money of RM20 profit and not risk losing another RM20 because that jerk decided not to come.
TO: ok, a justifiable reason and here are the reserve seats. Please select.

Me: Row F10 and F11, please.

TO: Ok, are you genuine or sleeper?
Me: Genuine.

TO: Critic or non critic?
Me: Non critic… I will keep quiet. What about screaming kids and crying babies?

TO: We have another section for parental cinemas, Sir. I assured you that you will be place in a section meant for single and dating couples.

TO: Any other service that you want to request?
Me: Yes, please do not put me next to someone who stinks.

TO: what do you mean stinks?
Me: I will define it as mouth odor, body odor and feet odor in that sequence.

TO: Anymore request?
Me: Two plates of wan tan mee and two hot Gwai Lo tea at the beginning of the advertisement.

TO: Thank you, we will register it into our customer care database management system
Me: Welcome. Nice customer care service you have.

TO: Thank you. That will be RM20, 9:30pm, -movie title- and two persons. RM8.00 for two plates of wan tan mee and two hot Uncle Lipton tea. Total is RM28.00.

Me: * pay *

TO: Here are your tickets and meal order. Enjoy the movie.

Me: Thank you.

Is sky the limit… oh yeah!

Runaway Vacation or bored Scary Movie 4

I find the comedy in Scary Movie 4 is not funny and quite bored too. Let us just go straight to Runaway Vacation with Robin Williams at the helm of the storyline. This movie is worth your ticket if you are unable to get Tokyo Drift. Robin Williams played a splendid dad trying to save his career at the same time trying to get in touch more with his family. Its nice and hilarious.

Though he promises them a nice warmth holiday in Hawaii but later due to a disastrous meeting at his boss reception had placed himself in a difficult position. In order to redeem himself as well as saving his job he has to cancel his Hawaii trip and go to Colorado. Though unwilling but after a discussion with his close friends, a Runaway Vacation (RV) was suggested and his family reluctantly accept it. The fun begins from there.

Girls, please bring along parents, kids, nephews and nieces but not your talkative and mouth stinking boyfriend. One guy sat next to me, talked and talked non stop from the beginning of the advertisement till the end. I pity his girlfriend. His mouth stinks and is disturbing me.

RV : * playing *
The guy: eh… dun mor my stomach after I get fat

RV: * playing *
The guy: ayo… I getting sleepy * then sigh – his mouth stinks *

RV: * playing *
The guy: ayo… I also dunno what I am going to do tomorrow… no car leh…

RV: * playing *
The guy: yak yak yak…

* Me beh tahan liao *

Me: Excuse me, if you are not going to stop speaking and sighing, I will need to ask you to exchange your seat with your girlfriend. Your girlfriend is beautiful, she is sexy, she is quiet and she doesn’t disturb me and this movie. Your cap sucks and your pants are ugly and is going to drop any moment. When your girlfriend sit next to me I will not hesitate to grab her hand and tell her to enjoy a nice quiet movie with me. Do you understand my feelings?

Ok ok… I made up the last part…

Is sky the limit… Runaway Vacation is good!

Last Papa Day discussion

Note: I could not remember much of the true conversation but it goes something like below.

Papa Day was here last week and some of you would be busy trying to think of something for your Papa. Here is one instance of our last discussion on getting a gift for Padme’s Papa.

Padme: William, what should I get for my Papa for this Papa’s Day? Any idea?
Me: Let me see… what about watches?

Padme: No… no… Indians are pantang sending gifts as watches or clocks to people. No… no…
Me: No lar, I think clocks only is pantang lar…

Padme: No… no… really, Indians are pantang about it!
Me: But watches are not clocks. In Chinese, clocks are definitely a no no as a gift!

Padme: I see… but Indians pantang both lar.
Me: I see… any meaning to the watch ar? For Chinese, clock sounds like “giving one a funeral”… sung chung… sung means give and chung is clock…. So sung chung… sung chung… choi!

Padme, Michelle, Kerry: Hahahahahaha…
Me: What about Indians?

Padme: Don’t know… but I know its pantang…
Me: ok…

Me: What about handkerchief? At least you can tell your papa, “OK Papa, you don’t have to use your sleeve, your hand or tissue anymore. Use this from now onwards!”
Kerry and Michelle: Hahahahahaha….
Padme: Hahahahahaha… He doesn’t use handkerchief lar…

Me: Ok, what about pen? Nice to write and maybe can sign check for you…
Padme: Hahahahahaha… Pen? Hmmm… But he is retiring next year… I guess he will use less of it.

Me: Ok, what about tie? Get one of those nice silk and grey color tie. Its just RM30 and you get it from Jusco.
Padme: Hmmm…
Me: Ok, what about taking him out for a nice dinner? I did that earlier of the month.
Padme: Dinner… Hahahahahaha… he can’t eat certain food due to high cholesterol lar…

Me: Hahahahahaha.. you tell your Papa… once in a lifetime, Papa, I am going to take you to have Fish Head Curry, Freshwater Crabs Fried with Sultanah Eggs, some stir fried stuffs from one nice Chinese Restaurant. Don’t worry about cholesterol. Eat first, fear later… Muahahahahahaha….
Michelle, Hasni, Kerry, and Padme: hahahahahahahahahahaha…

Me: Ok lar.. what is your budget and what does your Papa like?
Padme: Actually, he wants a DVD player…

Me: Ok then.. go get him a DVD player…
Padme: Let me think first…

Me: Otherwise, you can always get a book titled Angels and Demons by Dan Brown. If he doesn’t want it you can always give it to me. I welcome it very much!
Michelle: Padme, I think he is implying something else already… Hahahahahaha…
Padme, Kerry and Hasni: Hahahahahahahahahahaha….

Alright, if you think that dinner is too small for a gift. Buy your dad something, treat him for dinner then a movie. I think some simple event like this will surely make your old man happy. Though there are 365 days to make your old man happy, angry and sad but at the end of the day, its all about being happy and feeling cherished by his sons and daughters..

Is sky the limit… you can buy your dad a flight ticket and send him on a tour!

She is back!

Several weeks ago when my wife got back from her vacation.

Wife: Ooi! I’ve just gone for two weeks and now you are driving like this?! You want me to repeat those words again is it?Me: hehehehehe… sorry… sorry…

slows down from 110kmph to 90kmph,
obey traffic lights,
give signal before turning,
slows down at zebra crossing,
slows down at STOP sign before turning
slows down before parking
reduce overtaking slow driving cars
behaving nicely and smiled to every passing vehicle

Wife: Ok, now its much safer… hehehehehe…

* Suddenly, one stupid Kancil overtake me by force *

Me: NYAH SING! *(&(&*&$^&%$%$#%#^&^^&%#$#@!#$^%$#

* Showing the driver both of my middle fingers *

Wife: o_O”””… * she looked at my both hands then the steering wheel *

Is sky the limit… yup, she is back… my temper will be reduced and more controlled.

The Man of Steel is back!

The man of steel is back!

Late Christopher Reeves should be very happy in his grave that his Superman’s movie has so much improve by modern computer graphic effects. Lets hope this movie is as good as the initial Superman.

* fingers crossed *

Is sky the limit… Superman is back!

Wednesday, June 07, 2006

When should a guy back off from pursuing further into a non-workable relationship?

Note: Long entry.

This is a very rhetorical question. Some might be headstrong and still pursue in hope one day his lady of choice will pick him. Some might be a bit skeptical and go away. Some might stayed on a bit longer by trying to understand her more so his lady of choice will pick him. Some might just change their direction and focus another partner as in going away. However, men should understand the very nature of the woman’s mind plus perception and her architecture. Yet, I myself is still in the midst of bewilderment when it comes to the very issue of handling a woman.

In retrospect, we are not in the position to critic what or how they should be but with proper, suggestive and respectable approach will surely bring many lights to men who want to know more of a woman. In this entry, we shall not delve into handling of women because it requires art and having the heart of a treasure chest filled with honesty that is to be open by the women themselves. If only they really see that in you then you are blessed. With respect, women is not an object for self satisfaction but something very complex that requires a man true knowledge on himself what he should be looking for in a woman. You cannot just simply look for one when everyone has one. I can hardly fathom when my friends told me that all of their close friends are coupled up and they should be looking for one too. I was in that position last time but it had taken a toll on myself. Yet another story to tell. Back to reasoning why having a partner, solution is that I need to move on with something more serious and of course, practicality. I need love, that is a fact; and everyone needs love, no doubt. In that I took care of it with my own capability and time; not just because everyone has one or seems to have one. Period. My dear friend, time has it own uniqueness of telling its history and creating a future without you knowing it that the very next step it will be an unexplainable explanation.

Moving on to the very question of pursuing a lady who had given you so much hints that you should be moving away. I have seen guys who felt dejected and rejected at the tips from his lady. Being said so, human particularly man, sometimes takes time to understand words from a lady’s mouth. No being said it’s a word of encouragement a man hears. Yes being said it’s a word of doubt for many men. There are many acts and communications to be attested by both of them. Though mostly it falls onto men when women cried men wouldn’t listen. As part of men’s default nature, they are to be aggressive and would not take NO word for YES. In the cause of adrenaline and the very small processing thought very often men will feel depress until the verge of crying. Some may just feel depress only. In the word insanity, men will use extreme ways to fight words of deject and rejects. Yes, I am being straightforward in mentioning insanity to men who are fighting against themselves to win a lady’s heart when she is not interested in him in the first place. Respect and self awareness should be the very good action to respond to a lady’s NO.

Ladies are often left with no choice to tell men harshly that they are not entirely interested in them in the first place. First warning is always tender. The second will be to distance herself from him if he ignored the first. The third warning will always resulting in the end of a terrible war that will mark the end of the male pursuer. Not to say that there is no turn around, sometimes magic works like in the case of a lady changed of heart to fell for the man who she rejected in the first place. Yes, there are possibilities. However, I can only say, he, that man has a true heart. Unfortunately, a lady who gives multitude of hints to reject a man is something hardly the man will be able to be her partner in the future. Just because she is not for him. That is the respect the man should give. Men should neither threaten nor force and that is very despicable act to do. Primitive era has long gone with the clubs and dragging women to their caves. With modernization and globalization, women are not leaving themselves out and is competing with men for positions and wealth. Today, men no longer faced men in workplace but including women too.

This entry only covers one small part of the iceberg to modern world relationship.

Is sky the limit… it is ok that women said no and men should be obliged to respect it

Days of Mood

Saturday is the Longest day, Sunday is the Shortest day,
Monday is the Heaviest day, Tuesday is the Slightly Better day,
Wednesday is the Dull day, Thursday is the Ever Good day
Friday is the Best day of the Days.

Is sky the limit… which is your day?

Counting Money and Unfortunate at-choo!

I had another viewing of Davinci Code for the second time. The film was still full surprisingly after 3 weeks on the cinema. Davinci Code, I must say, until now ticketing booth are selling them like hotcakes. Then on that day, my brother make something out that I always joke. I think you have read that before somewhere in blog/

In one long queue, about to reach the booth:

Me: Eh, give me your money, its RM10.
My brother: Ok, * started counting *

My brother: RM1, RM2, RM3, RM4, RM5, RM6…
Me: * Looked at him in disbelief *

Me: ok ok… I pay for you… no worries… later return... * yes, i am kiamsap! *
My brother: hehehehehe… sorry ar…

Me: dun worry… dun worry… I pay… I pay…

Then tomorrow in the first cinema after Davinci started for half an hour, it got very cold and unfortunately I was in my favorite bermuda shorts and t-shirt. Neither both of us brought any sweater nor jacket. Then all of a sudden, I got the need to sneeze so I cup my mouth.

Me: Ah ah.. Ati-Chooooooooooooooo…. * I sneeze! *

Oh poor Leonardo! My hand was filled with my mucus!

Try to imagine what you will do in my position if both of you (brother or friends) have neither tissue nor handkerchief. Plus next to you is a beautiful girl and hope she did not notice your act in disposing your mucus. Lets guess.

Remember, your hand is filled with mucus!

Is sky the limit… God Bless You!

Tuesday, June 06, 2006

World of Tulan – Part 2

Nevermind, its just business and you carried on with your other mundane office task. Lunchtime came and you were served with the usual. Everybody at the table also felt tulan because boss had issued a lame report that their sales are not doing well and restructuring may be a possibility. Tulan. You just continued on and you hope no problems from 2pm till 5:30pm. Wrong. A customer called up to complain that the product he bought yesterday is not working as expected as it was in the sales briefing. He got so tulan and cursed everyone from the company top level to the bottom level. Your boss held you responsible and you need to call up to the customer and try to leverage it. The customer shoot you maximum and you can’t just take it, you screamed and banged the phone. Everyone got up to look and even your boss. “I AM TULAN! WHAT THE F*&K!”, you cried. Everybody came over and try to console you. Your boss just looked at you and walked back to his cubicle. “Hmm… nowadays young people just do not have the patience… in my time”, your boss sighed and his olden days movie start to reel in his pathetic mind.

End of day, you felt so relieved, you happily packed home and felt the tulan feeling had subsided. Unfortunately, you just cannot believe your eyes. Your good Vios has been clamped. You parked at the wrong box. Tulan feeling again. You searched for the nearest security office and pay the fine. At that point, the security being a Myammar understand English little and is having some problem trying to catch what you were saying. You tried switching Malay and English languages with him. Finally, you gave up and drag him to your car. You pointed at that and said, “KNNMCHTNS, you clamped my car!” You indicated money and unclamped. Only he now understood, “lei chou kong lar!”. He can speaks Cantonese! So tulan you wish you just whip up a rifle and blast him off to where he came from.

Of course, you are now on your way home already. Traffic was so bad and you are now unable to move your car. Hunger pang strikes, you search your car’s glove box for some tidbits or biscuits. Yes, you do find it but it tasted so weird and soggy. It has expired. Now that bite of the big biscuit is in your mouth. Tissue box is empty and you can’t just PTUI in your car. Or even outside the car. Because you have to maintain your lady likeness. Who knows next to your car is a handsome man who is watching you doing such a unattractive way. You looked around. Ok, you are clear to do that. Once finish a called came. You were spotted by your colleague, the person you hated most in the office, and he teased you for such a disgusting person. You feel like hanging up his phone. Before doing so, maybe you will scream some profanities. You just laughed and say good bye and wish this lane would move. So embarrassed and tulan at the same time.

You reach your home and a pack of cold economy rice. While the economy rice is getting heated up in the microwave, you went into the bathroom for a dip. You slip in, smelled of lavender and its is nice and relaxing. After some time, you realize your microwave is still heating up. After some thoughts, you decided to go check out your food. Oh my god, you cried. The microwave is a broken and it won’t stop heating your poor food. Its now burnt economy rice. You cursed your day, your life for the moment, your dateless life, your pay, your loan, your scoundrel girlfriends, your boss, your company, your wan tan mee, your car, your economy food and the last, the traffic. Now you ended up with Meh G noodle. You just felt so taxed and felled asleep in the living room couch… POOOF!

It is just a dream. You finally wake up from that terrible tulan dream. You sweated and felt relieved. That is not going to happen. As you go to your toilet, you realized your toothpaste is finish and unknowingly you knocked down your favorite facial cleanser…

* Twiligh Zone music playing *

Disclaimer: This is just another story cocked up by me. It is not related to anyone or event in this particular entry. Even if it does, it is just purely coincidence and fictional.

Is sky the limit… * Twilight zone music playing *

World in Tulan – Part 1

What will you do, say if you happen to be in one of the most lousiest day, that is everyone you meet or yourself is tulan about something? Never right? Shall we create one scenario? Lets get started.

One morning, you woke up, your toothpaste has finish and you knock down your favorite facial cleanser accidentally into the toilet bowl. You felt so tulan at it. Then, as you get dressed up for work your favorite panty hose tore or your favorite pants’ zip found broken. You felt tulan again.

Fine, on your way driving to work you decided to stop at one good wan tan mee stall to take away your favorite dry wan tan mee. You walked up and fail to balance your step while crossing the small drain. You nearly fell into it. Unfortunately your high heels is broken. Now you have to limp to the stall. You tulan again. At that stall, the seller is also tulan because his daughter or son did not want to help him at the stall. He is so tulan that he cooked your wan tan mee tulan-ly and his wife also pack and look tulan-ly at you. Everyone is so tulan in the morning.

Then reaching the office, you had forgotten your ID pass and now you have to wait for another half an hour so that when the first person arrives you can go in together. Not so tulan but you can sleep in the car for the moment. Unfortunately, the parking in the basement is so hot and stuffy. You need to go up to the lobby area in hoping that the cafeteria is open. Luckily it is open but they won’t let you in because no outside food allowed. You told him you will be ordering extras. Still the Indian macha shook his head and spoke the heaviest British accent you ever heard in your life, “No, I am sorry”. You and your wan tan mee have to go. Tulan again, you just go find one place to sit, eat and wait. After half an hour, you noticed there is some small stain of wan tan mee gravy on your best blouse. You wanted scream and punch people but you need to maintain your coolness as more people are coming into the lobby to work. Immediately, you go to the nearest toilet. All bear the sign, “ROSAK”. So tulan, you just ignored it and went up.

Finally, the receptionist is there to open your door for you. You reach your cubicle to found out a virus has infected your pc reported by the technician. The virus will cause your pc to run very slow. Again, you have to wait for your emails to pop out, you reply late, you send late, you get the latest info later than everybody. Even work is slow. All due to the virus. Tulan! At least, you can claimed, “It’s the virus, you know what it will do lar.” You sighed and accept the fact that the technician working their best to looking for an antidote or tool to clean your pc. Meeting came and go without one of your ideas being accepted plus subjected to words of challenge from your peers. Tulan. You tried to shout, “what the hell do you know?! You just sit there, eat and get fat like a pig! My ideas, you asked, you reject, then you take it for your own credit! Tulan! Tulan!” However, that is so unprofessional. Tulan again.

Is sky the limit… to be continue…

Doctor very tired… long day…

Last two days, I went to the almost everybody-looked-tulan clinic:

Nurse: * tulan a bit * yeah…
Me: I want to see the MBBS sinseh… * eh ah moi smile a bit lar cam ada orang mati *

Nurse: * still tulan * ok, … * looked at me *
Me: Panel, 717, William Tulan… from *&^^&%^#%$#@$%

Nurse: * go search * ok, have a sit…

* then in the consultation room *

Doctor: * he looked a bit tired and spiritless, must be very hard at work after long hours seeing and talking to patients… * Hi…

* he nod his head a bit to indicate what is my illness *

* hmmm… I wonder if I could recommend him to read to relax or maybe start blogging like our good Dr Liew *

Me: Sorethroat and some cough… started two days ago…

Doctor: Ok, I give you anti-inflammatory, some cough tablets… should be ok… * start scribbling prescription *
Me: Ok.. thanks doc…

* while waiting outside *

Nurse: * still looked tulan * Mr William… yak yak yak… blah blah…
Me: Ok… thanks…

I wonder if its because my visitation is paid by my company so they all looked tulan? No lar, I don’t think so. I think they all look tulan because of a long and hard day in the clinic today… pity pity… and I happen just to walk in at the wrong time…

Is sky the limit… doctors hard at work… clinic nurse too…