what did Yahoo! mail said to Gmail?
'mail me your GString'
what did Hotmail said to Gmail?
'i'm Hot on your GSpot'
ha... ha... ha...
is sky the limit... mail me your Gstring...
what did Yahoo! mail said to Gmail?
'mail me your GString'
what did Hotmail said to Gmail?
'i'm Hot on your GSpot'
Actually in this conversation, we are refering to her friend getting employed as a Mrs coming this weekend *. So Thumbelina is hoping to find her beau... she liken her beau as a moose!thumbelina : she is going to become Mrs X... she got employed by Mr X...
*Editorial Note: There was a mistake as pointed out by Thumbelina, her friend is actually getting married in Jan, 2007. Thousand Apologies!!!
i can imagine he will be big and strong... plus powerful and having a pair of hard antlers...hahahahahahaha... oh my...
Let me define the word hamsup before you read on.
Hamsup – An action that either men or women become arouse or excited when they see the opposite gender. In modern times, excitation can be due to the same gender too. Hamsap-ing meaning excitation of the opposite or same gender in process.
“I don’t know why you like to watch porno so much. I don’t know why you so hamsup.“
As a man, you obviously can’t stop from watching those stuffs that you think is wrong. Deny watching hamsap film is futile. We men love it very much. Ok lar, to one extend lar. So much so if a man is alone without companion(s). Unless, he is gay. Then it will be a different story altogether (brokeback mountain). Well naturally, i am a man.
Here is how I explain to her.
Me : Do you know why I got all this things to read and watch, dear?
Girlfriend then : why? Hamsup lor…
Me : No, you have to look at the overall picture. Hamsup I get to that part later.
Girlfriend then : yeah … yeah …
Me : shhh… Me being a man should not be deprive all this beautiful stuffs because it helps to relive tension and stress.
Girlfriend then : yeah… plainly you are hamsup!
Me : ahhh… you don’t get my point… as I was saying, being alone without you is unbearable… so as an alternative this replace you…
Girlfriend then : Huh…
Me : If I don’t hamsup these things… I will be going out to another girl…
Girlfriend then : You dare try! * showing her fist *
Me : That is the problem… if I don’t hamsup this things then can I hamsup you?
Girlfriend then : Go away… pervert!
Me : You should be lucky that I hamsup you!
Girlfriend then : Why?
Me : Coz, if I don’t hamsup you and these stuffs… it will be a big problem!
Girlfriend then : yeah right… the whole world will fall down… you can always go find another girl mar… * she looked down sad *
Me : That is NOT the point! You want me to hamsup guys ar?!
Girlfriend then : Hahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahhahahaha….
Me : See… does that answer your question why I hamsup you and my stuffs?
Girlfriend then : you go hamsup guys lar… I go find a new one…
Me : Hehehehehe… that is smart of you… therefore, I am going to hamsup you from now on!
Girlfriend then : hahahahahahahahahaha… you go away! Pervert! Wolf!
Me : haahahahahhahahahahaha… oooooooouuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Is sky the limit… that is how I made her to be my wife! No lar, just kidding!
If my wife occupies the bedroom and do her work, I will be out in the living room watch TV, play games on my notebook or think of something to write in this blog. If whatever I do and I am very quiet, she will question me.
Wife : Low kung! What are you doing outside? Why so quiet?
Me : * playing StarCraft and headphone glue to my ears * …
Wife : Low kung!
Me : yeah?
Wife : What are you doing?
Me : playing StarCraft…
Wife : So quiet?
Me : yeah…
Wife : You are watching porno in the living room, aren’t you?
Me : no…
Wife : You must be!
Me : no…
Wife : Admit it!
Me : ok ok… yeah I am watching porno…
Wife : hehehehehe… good!
Me : *_*” ... Mana ada keadilan?
Moral of the story : Guys, if you are doing something quietly… you are watching porno…
Is sky the limit… playing StarCraft and watching porno at the same time… god must be crazy!
At night, my wife had a conversation with me on child control:
Wife : What is the best way to teach a kid if he’d done something wrong?
Me : Cane, slap and threaten them. Maybe throw them out of the house just to scare them.
Wife : Wah so ganas ar? Nanti the kid got side effects next time…
Me : Looked at me… do I looked like I got side effects…?
Wife : Yeah.. hamsup, pervert, bodoh… want me to go further?
Me : ok ok… I am going to sleep…
So readers, if you don’t threaten your kids, your kids will threaten you back next time, I don’t have a kid yet so here is a scenario:
Son : Pa, I need cash..
Me : Why?
Son : I need to vote for this idol… I love this idol!
Me : You gay ar! Wasting my money… Go back to your room and study!
Son : if you don’t give it to me… I… I… I…
Me : ok … what are you going to do?
Son : I’ll run away from home and… and… and…
Me : ok… and what are you going to do then?
Son : I’ll find my own money…
Ok, readers, there is a solution for this. Don’t worry.
Me : While you do that and pack your things and leave this house… I will ensure that 15 minutes you are packing… somebody is going to get a huurt real bad!... Real bad…
Hehehehehe… I got that last quote from Russell Peters on “Why you should beat your kids” segment… I like that part…
Is sky the limit… kids, please don’t go threaten your old man… somebody might get hurt…
Me : what about mee goreng mamak?
Wife : Don't feel like having it…
Me : ok, what about nasi goreng mamak?
Wife : No.
Me : ayam goreng Mcd and white rice?
Wife : Night lar… don’t you think its too oily?
Me : oh ok, I go out buy bubur ayam and a few pieces of Yow Char Kuey to dip and eat?
Wife : Nah… its still oily… and bubur ayam? Bubur only for sick people ok?
Me : ok lar… standard food, I boil rice and steam a few cheese sausages from the fridge?
Wife : Ahhhh… ok ok… hehehehehe…
Me : * immediately got up from my bed and go do overtime in the kitchen *
Wife : * opened up her notebook and played
Is sky the limit… cook at home and eat at home and wash the dishes after that!
Me : Arghhh…. * eyes become watery *
Wife : oh my god… what have you done?
Me : Arghhh… don’t ask… Arghhh… * closing both eyes *
Wife : ee..yer…
Me : * mouth still shut * .. * one part of the mouth became numb a bit *
Wife : ayo… ayo… so kesian…
Me : Argh… oh syok!
Wife : *_*” ... why are you tormenting your ulcer... you should gargle with salt water... not dabbing straight onto it! Kanasai!
Tormenting is a nice word... cos' we are tormented everyday in the office... right?
For example, your boss asked you to do something beyond your job scope or contradicts your principles and understanding. Do you dare or wish to say NO? Even the ShitiBank promoters who called you also can’t take NO for an answer. What’s more with those lottery scam runners also won’t take NO but are more persistent to persuade you.
I wonder what the world has turned to. Is NO such a bad word for people to accept it. In oppose to that, if you answer YES you still won’t be able to get what you want. For instance below:
Boss : Do you want a pay increment?
You : YES
Boss : Due to the company economical I am afraid that is impossible.
Girlfriend : Do you like sex?
You : YES
Girlfriend : Hehehehehe… get married first….
Supervisor : Do you want a bonus?
You : YES
Supervisor : Show me what you can do with this project first
4D Punter : Do you want to strike millions?
You : YES
4D Punter : No money No Bet
Perfume Sales Girl : Would you like to try this? It’s a new product.
You : YES
Perfume Sales Girl : Its only RM350 and its on promotion
Its so ironic. People don’t like to hear the word NO. On the other hand, the word YES is not as good as it is said out.
You tau makan? YES
Is sky the limit… do you want to eat? Boss, I want a pay raise, can ar? NO…
The first was a missed call while I was in the shower. Then second came when I was about to came out from the bathroom. It rang twice, you know, I thought it was my mom or dad on something urgent. But the fark hanged up by the time I answered. Shit, I was half naked, wet and can’t even see clearly rushing out to pick the call. Geeze!!!!
Then this fark started SMS. After a few annoying SMS which i ignored (hopefully that fark will realized his error) and out of kindness i also did replied that there is no such fark. The last straw, this fark was so persistence in finding out who was using Rizal number. This is what I received: (DAMN BLARDY DISTURBING)
first half of message
This will be the ending of this twisted thoughts story. Lets end this story with this beginning. As you drive off into the highway, you saw many cars had stalled in the middle of the road. Some cars had veered off into the emergency lane. Some had toppled over. You had to drive carefully to avoid this stranded cars in the highway. It was almost half an hour of driving that the highway has less stranded cars. You pick up speed. As the city view become less and the country side becomes more visible, you notice something unusual. The trees were uprooted and floating a few meters from the ground. Although the trees’ roots were still attached to the ground, it is as though the tree were lifted by their roots. How amazing, you thought. You stopped your SUV. You looked around. The whole forest looked like floating in the air. The sun is definitely shining brightly, sky is absolutely clear of clouds and you can see hills from your position. You drove on slowly. After some time, you had gotten use to the new environment that you decided to stop at one rest house.
The rest house has one flower pot with an ‘X’ marked to its pot. The toilet was clean and smelled of lavender. Feel good and sleepy. You made your business as fast as possible and moved on again into the highway. After some hours or so, you saw another rest house coming up. Having finish a bottle of mineral water, you decided to give nature a call again. This time you saw the same flower pot. Not one but two flower pots. Both had an ‘X’ marked on its pot. The toilet was same and smell same too. You drove on to the highway again. It was hours and the road was just straight. You past another rest house. You made another glimpse at the toilet entrance as you passed by. There are three flower pots with each marked ‘X’. You sped on. The road was straight. After some time, you just realized that all this while, there were not exits to other states. Something is not right. There were no toll or any signs of U-turn so to return back to the city.
The world has gone mad since its population disappeared. ‘Think, think’, you said to yourself. So you decided to drove on. After the tenth rest house, you had enough of this long journey. The fuel was getting low and there were still no sign of exiting this highway. The highway is going straight. You drove on. Resting for breaks when you felt sleepy. Evening arrived and your SUV has nearly diminished all of its petrol. Suddenly, you saw light, a very bright blue light. ‘I can’t take this anymore, thank god!’, you exclaimed. ‘I saw light!’, you beamed happily at the sudden change in the highway. The moment you reach the bright blue light, the whole highway scene changed. The environment now looked so plain. Plain meaning. There is nothing there. Just plain white empty spaces. ‘What the hell’, you murmured.
‘Ahem’, someone coughed. You looked around. There was this person sat just beside the border of the white empty space and the highway. ‘I am sure your mind must have a lot of question to ask’, he smiled at him. He looked old and had a long white beard. He dressed in white suit too. ‘Who are you?’, you asked him. ‘That is a nice car they created for you’, he looked at the Murano. ‘Of course’, he said to himself again. ‘You may come down from the car now’, he gestured to you. ‘Its saved to come out’, he continued with a smile. You walked out of your SUV. ‘What is this place? Who are you?’, you asked again. ‘Well, this is the developer’s environment’, he said. ‘To some of you, I am called the Mother Nature’, he said. You looked hard at him, he doesn’t looked like a mother to be a Mother Nature. ‘Ok, I don’t looked woman to be Mother Nature’, he smiled again. ‘But who of you really know Mother Nature look like’, he said and looked to the SUV and the highway outside the white environment.
‘Some said I am the creator’, he looked back to you. ‘However, I am just the coordinator. I say things downstairs build it’, he pointed below. ‘Up there is management’, he looked up. ‘Never mind you do not understand’, he walked over to you nearer and looked more closely to you. ‘Am I dead’, you asked. ‘No no’, he immediately replied with a laugh. ‘You are absolutely fine, my lad’, he nodded with a smile. You seemed not so convinced. ‘Honestly, you are still alive. Just that you are separated from the rest of the population we created. Its sort of right now the whole entire planet is having an upgrade.’, he smiled again. ‘Are you sure? You are not one of those TV reality shows, are you?’, you asked. ‘Do I looked like one?’ he squinted at you. ‘No!’, he denied it with a full satisfactory tone. ‘My boy, you are looking at one of the most spectacular event that occurred in your life right now. Normally, human like you won’t wake up when we do upgrading to the whole planet. But you’, he said pointing with one finger to your chest. ‘You woke up before we complete our upgrade’, he said and smiled. ‘Normally, we will just shut down human and let them sleep until the whole process is complete but your system just ignore our command. So we decided to let one and only one human to venture and have the luxury to the whole world when we do upgrade. All those things that you had for several years will retain with you when you wake up. Tell no one I trust?’ he said. ‘Alright, ‘ you said reluctantly. Whether to believe him or yourself. ‘Still don’t believe me?’ he smiled at you.
‘Yes, I do not yet’, you looked back at him. ‘Come, let me show you’, he grabbed hold of your hand and walked to the border of the white environment and the highway. He pressed something on his wrist. The whole highway scene change to billions of tiny screen channels. All of them showing individual human sleeping. ‘And you are here’, he pointed at one of the tiny screen. ‘not sleeping’, he continued. His screen showing him standing in the white room with the man. ‘Convince now?’ he asked again. ‘No’ you said. He gave you one slap. ‘Ouch, that hurts!’, he screamed. ‘That hurts and you are definitely not dreaming!’, he confirmed to you. ‘Ok, I get your point!’, you shouted back. ‘So what should I do?’, you asked him back. ‘That depends, the development department will finish their upgrade in 6 months time and you can still fool around and get as many things you want or you can go back to sleep’, he said. ‘I rather go back to sleep and wake up tomorrow with my family, girlfriend and friends’, you looked at him and then down to the white floor. ‘I see’, he smiled again. ‘Feeling lonely in the world and you alone?’, he asked. ‘Yes’, you nodded.
Is sky the limit… with a snapped of finger you are back sleeping in your bedroom. Sure you will see your loved ones tomorrow plus the goodies you had taken… The End
Weeks were short with the supply you last got from that mall. You are too tired and bored with the whole silent environment. Again, this story is about to finish, twisted thought, with the world alone and this will be the last story and I hope you enjoy the story from the beginning to the nearing end. Let’s begin. You have woke up sweating. It was hot and summer definitely has arrived. The morning sun was brighter than the other days. Today, you laid on your bed and start to think what will happen if the world did not had its population disappear. Definitely, you will still have your family, girlfriend and your old friends by your side. Not to mention, the feeling sickly silent when you entered your office.
Today you decided to go to your office again for one last time to pack up a few stuffs before you moved on. Yes, you have been wondering what would it be if you decided to get a car and moved out of this city. The country side will be good and also to check out if there are any existing survivors. Now it is also a good time to get back to that mall again and grab that beautiful SUV that you had wanted for a long time. A black Nissan Murano. Yes, that is what you had been thinking of lately. Definitely, you will need a key to get it start up for the journey.
After getting all the necessary stuffs and a few things at home, you gave a last glanced to the office and then your home, and you walked off to the mall. Pack with a backpack – a few pieces of clean clothing, a bottle of water, a pen knife, your wallet, a torchlight, and a bar of chocolate. By the way, you can still get more of these things in the mall. Might be even a box of un-opened CK jeans or t-shirts. A box of Evian water and so on. Anyway, you get more, if you really need, when you reach the mall.
You looked around the auto mart for the SUV’s key. You looked around the auto mart office. Hanging by the side of the room, dangling a few sets of keys and you grabbed every each of it. You move to your Murano. The first key did not opened it by a Ford truck behind. The second key opened a Mercedes Compressor next to it. The third key opened up a Honda City. Finally the last key, Murano sprang to life, the car lock opened and you pack your things into it. You check around the interior. It was lush and a elegant. The feel of it was awesome. You loved it. The fuel level was low. You drive it out of the mall. Tell me, how on earth of someone being lucky not having to pay and drive out a SUV of a mall freely. That was you. Reason simple, the world has disappeared all its inhabitants in one fine day.
You reach the nearest petrol station. There were neither sign of petrol attendant nor other staffs. You parked to the first petrol pump. You walked into the store. Rows of food and snacks, bottle of waters and other amenities you can find in a convenient petrol store. You grab one box of instant noodles, biscuits, chocolate and bottle of mineral bottles. All stored neatly behind your Murano. Last, you went to the counter switch one petrol pump 1 to fuel up your SUV. For the first time in your whole life you had the petrol station to yourself. Furthermore, you can fuel up as much as you like.
As you push the pump into the SUV and start fuelling up, you notice the fuel meter at the petrol kiosk did not increase but decrease. It had its number reading in negative! You stopped for a moment and go back to your SUV and see if its really fueling up. Yes, it was fuelling up. You peered into the petrol tank and there were petrol half fill up. Regardless the petrol kiosk continue to read negative, you just pump away. Strange, you thought.
Is sky the limit… let drive and forget
I have been reading Harry Potter story books for the past one month:
Me : Argh!!!! Dumbledore died… Snape killed him! Gosh… I can’t believe it! Low poh… Snape killed Dumbledore…
Wife : Yeah… sad ending for Harry Potter and The Half Blood Prince…
* Reread the ending few times… *
Me : ooh… ayo… ayo…
Wife : Why are you getting so emotional over it?… its just a story…
* After half an hour *
Me : ayo… ayo… Dumbledore…
Wife : eh… get a grip… if he don’t die… no story lar…
* Lunch time *
Me : Dumbledore… I can’t believe it… I like him since book 1… why does he have to die… ayo…
Wife : *_*””… here, eat your okra!
* After dinner *
Me : Damn… Snape… Dumbledore…
Wife : Say Dumbledore one more time… I’ll burn all your Harry Potter books!
Me : ok ok…
* Reread the ending again at night *
Arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh…. Dumbledore died!
Is sky the limit… Dumbledore… Dumbledore…
One thing happened to me recently and I can’t help myself laughing when I think over it again.
Let me ask you question,
“How many HR personnel, Admin personnel and Programmer to open one can of sardine?”
* got the answer? No? Then, scroll down…
* scroll down…
* scroll down… some more
The answer is one Admin personnel to buy a can of sardine and make an attempt to open it. If fails, the Admin will contact one HR officer to sought out the problem. Realizing the task is difficult to handle, it is then a request is forward to the technical department to have one programmer to go and open it. There upon, the programmer will analyze the situation and looked for available resources or tools to open it correctly. As it seems, in less than 5 minutes, the can was open by a right amount of force, a right amount of proper gripping and both the HR and the Admin staffs monitoring the progress. There you are, the can of sardine is ready to serve.
So it works, right? Hehehehehe…
Is sky the limit… 1 HR, 1 Admin, 1 Programmer… job done!
There is one thing that I always like when it comes to buying a set of Ayam Goreng Mcd. For a start, I will go to the nearest mamak stall and get a pack of white rice. Only then, I head to the nearest Mcd and get my large set Spicy Ayam Goreng Mcd. Of course, I won’t have it there… such eating habit is best kept private in my own house. Talking about private… revealing my eating habit in my blog, I bet Padme will have a word with me, giggling from Kerry and Mitchelle and a head-turn by TC.
Oh yeah! I love white rice with their Spicy Ayam Goreng Mcd… TC, you should try your Spicy Ayam Goreng Mcd with rice… it rox!
Is sky the limit… white rice satu… spicy Ayam Goreng Mcd satu!
Sometimes it happened and you will be sort of hold on and spend a few seconds to process your respond. This is what happen during dinner with my wife.
Me : J is getting married next month. She invited both of us. Do you want to come with me?
Wife : Next month… hmmm… early of the month?
Me : Yeah…
Wife : Hmmm… busy week… I see first… ‘cos I still got a lot of assignment not done yet…
Me : Ok… no problem…
* During half way through my spicy Ayam Goreng Mcd *
Wife : So, who is she getting married to?
* At this moment, I am so compelled to make up a story to tell her. I wanted to laugh. The reason is because she hadn’t met J before. Even if I were to say J’s husband’s name she won’t be able to recognize him, right? So I can just say J is getting married to Mr. Chau Ah Beng. There goes my widest grin… *
Me : err… if I say his name will you know who he is?
Wife : * looked at me… with a don’t-challenge-me face *
Me : ok ok lar.. she is getting married to Tom Cruise… don’t hit me!!!
Wife : * whack * Eat your chee-ken!
Me : sob sob… ok ok…
Is sky the limit… so who are you getting married to?