Tuesday, September 26, 2006

My wish is your command!

Last three weeks, i had a dream about a genie found in Gombak river, Kuala Lumpur. So i was asked for three wishes. This three wishes will begin with the first one being, 'I wish to increase... ', the second 'I wish to decrease...' and the last 'I wish i BOLEH... '. So i send to some bloggers. Three of them came back! Just three...
I wish to increase the money in my bank
I wish to decrease my waistline
I wish I BOLEH no need to work, yet still have the money to splurge

Note: Cosmoblogger told me that if i put this up, i need to help her promote her. So here you are,

Cosmoblogger is a single and beautiful girl. She is a sweet girl who is so adorable that the caramel will melt. She is currently attached to Singapore. However, she is a very down to earth Malaysian girl. Please feel free to visit her blog to understand her more. Thank you.

I wish to increase the space of my memory
I wish to decrease the amount of cars on the road
I wish I BOLEH walk through walls

From earl-ku
I wish to increase my sex count
I wish to decrease my debts
I wish I BOLEH be a filth rich man by 30 ... (so by that time, i can tumpany on your wealth right?)

is sky the limit... wishes and wishes...

Thursday, September 21, 2006

No... No... No... No...

Last three days, my wife was really moody. Only two students out of six went to her class. She was furious with them.

Florence : Today only two turn up! I've specifically told them and they say they can come for the class. These junior nurses are really making my BP shoot up!
Me : Don't worry lar, they are still juniors mar...

Florence : Grrr... * her mulut sudah muncung-muncung... can gantung 5 kg of Pork liao *
Me : Don't angry lar, i take you to your favourite wan tan mee stall. Ok ar?

Florence : No!
Me : Ok, we go watch horror movie... any movies you like?

Florence : No!
Me : Ok, we go have your favourite McD Sundae Chocolate?

Florence : No!
Me : Ok, we go to Kentarki Fly Cheeken...? Order one Drumstick ad one Thigh portion?

Florence : No!
Me : Ok ok... tonight's special... i wash your toilet?

Florence : Eeeeeee! Stay away from my toilet!
Me : hehehehe... ok lar... what do you want me to do?

Florence : Bring me to 1-Utama... I want to spend some money!
Me : * Holy Shit! *... ...* I can hear the cash register ringing now *

is sky the limit... No... No... No... No... No... No...

Monday, September 18, 2006

What is your order?

Though I could have this elsewhere in Kepong but I was waiting for my movie so we proceeded to Wong Kok Char Chan Teng; and a very cute and beautiful waitress served us.

Me: * flip and see the menu *

Beautiful Waitress: May I take your orders?

Me: Hehehe… * smiling at the waitress * One Roasted Pork with Rice, one plate of Roasted Bread (peanut butter fried with egg and top with butter), and one Pearly Milk Tea. One more, what time is your shift ends and my last order is can I take you back to my home?

* hehehehe… just joking, I made up the last line *

Beautiful Waitress: Ok, what about you miss?

Low poh: I want the fried spaghetti ala Hong Kong style and one Pearly Milk Tea too.

Me: yum.. yum… hehehehehehe…

Low poh: Wah look at that girl… nice buttock with nice short skirt… ooooh… look at her legs… so fair and so beautiful…

Me: yeah… yeah… oh yeah… nice sexy buttock… * dribbling like a wolf found a pie * … yum… yum… nice leg… skinny and fair… oh..yeah…

Low poh: * whack whack * who asked you to see?! * whack whack * know the meaning of die?! * whack whack *

Me: hehehehe… nice legs yup…

Is sky the limit… nice buttocks… err.. I mean nice buttocks.... no.. no.. I mean nice menu!

You are on the wrong way lar!

In one particular junction in The Curve, it’s a T-Junction when both cars will meet head to head and make a turn depending from which direction you come from. If I am coming from the opposite I will turn right. If I am coming from the other side I will turn left. So both cars will turn to the same junction like shown in the picture below.

I do not know why such design was put in place but you can see from both of the board signs dangling above. I have gone through this turns a few number of times. Those who frequented this parking spot would know the flow in the Curve’s parking system.

One day one idiot “Stupid Specky” put up his hand on me like “eh, you on the wrong side”.

Me: Screw you lar, you need to turn lar… look at the signs lar… u Stupid Specky…

Stupid Specky : * put up his hand – what lar you are wrong *

Me: * I looked at him and at the back, a car was waiting for me to turn *

Stupid Specky : * putting up his hand non-stop *

Me: * I give him a grin and put up my most honorable universal salute to him and drove into the supposed junction and let the VIOS at the back deal with him because it is one way lane! *

Me: Stupid… don’t how to read the sign or can’t see the sign with his spec…

My Wife: Yeah lar… stupid… let him be lar…

* I peeked at my rear mirror… Hahahahahaha… he has to reverse for the VIOS! *

He looked aghast when I did that to him. The worse was he met another car. Justice done! Some people just don’t learn it. If you are not sure of the direction or the environment it is better to keep quiet, observe, stay low and learn. This is because you might be wrong in the first place. Below is the picture how he stop in front of me.

I don’t intend to nicknamed this poor creature as Stupid Specky but the thought of him doing it to me just proof himself a real ignorant person he is when he is at the wrong. Go screw himself! Even a person who don’t drive can read the sign board like my wife. I do not know how he did not read it or just because he thinks he knows the place well. Well my ass!

Is sky the limit… see the sign board lar, stupid!

Please let me reverse lar....

I was reversing my car from a parking space. Not many cars allow me to reverse and in short I was getting impatient and no cars was slowing down for me to reverse. My wife on one hand was anxious to get home. I am wondering why cars have those reverse back light when no one even notice you or cares about you. If you force yourself to reverse you might only end up being flashed or honked by them.

Me: Ayo, let me reverse lar… come on…

* I tried reversing a bit *

Proton Savy : * honk and quickly passed on *

Me: Damn, I’m trying to reverse lar… cannot wait a while ar…

* I tried again this time a little bit again *

Perodua Myvi : * flash twice and sped off *

Me: * kept quiet *

* I tried again *

Another unknown car: * honk honk *

My wife: I tak boleh tahan…

* she walked out before I could said a thing *

Me: Oi! Oi! What are you doing?!

My wife: Just keep quiet and wait for my signal!

My wife: * Walk into the middle of the road, put out her hand to stop the moving cars *

Honda Accord: * Stop *

Me: Fuyooh…

My wife: * Signal me to reverse *

Me: Oh yeah… low poh long life!

That is how I got out of my parking space and headed home.

Tell me my readers, what is the point of having a reverse backlight when no one even bother to slow down for you to reverse from your parking space. I think Malaysian drivers need to know how to slow down in a place full of parked cars. Do you really stop or slow down your car when you see a car in front of you wants to reverse out from his or her parking space? I don’t think so that Malaysians will slow down in their driving even in a car park filled with cars.

Is sky the limit… what is the point of having a reverse light?!

Thursday, September 14, 2006

What would you do if this happens?

Recently, my wife's aunt's Proton Waja was stolen. After she made her police report, she got a call from the thief demanding RM5000 from her. But the deal is, she can only get back her car without an engine. Furthermore, the thief even asked why did she called the police. I think he deserves to be a thief. Why do i said that? That is because the only thing a human can possibly do the most common sense thing is to file a police report on car theft. Right? He could go on to think that he can return her car with an amount of money in return. But then, the worse is, he was also smart enough just to return the car without the engine. I wonder what is going on in this world. Let imagine her husband's conversation with the smartass thief:

Ah beng : Hello?
Ah Chiak : Hello... I got your car. If you want your car back then you have to pay RM5000.

Ah beng : But i alredy make police report wor....
Ah Chiak : Why you make police report lar? I give you back your car mar... in return for RM5000 mar...

Ah beng : * calculate calculate * KNN... you go eat shit... * hang up *

Then after a few days, the police returned to Ah Beng,

Mr Police : I'm soli, Mr Beng, your car is burned like charcoal... can you come identified it?
Ah beng : ok ok....

At the site,

Ah beng : Nya sing... pandai or...they curi my engine and burn my car only... no wonder RM5000 saja... very waja...
Mr. Police : *__* ""

Me: Damn lar... if people curi my car i would make police report mar. Where got so crazy not make police report wor... KNN... if everyone like that wait for the thief to call and get your car.. wah lau... like that i better buy second hand car lar... mah fuh lat... hai... i dunno what to say anymore...

By the way, her car was burned beyond recognition...

is sky the limit... I got your little bird bird... give me RM5000... why you call the police lar?!

To my friend who was left in a rut to mend shit...

Note: Someone who was so sad for the rest of her term. I feel sad for her too.
As a friend staying at someone else house, you should know where you stand and don’t go over the limit. As a friend again, you should own up your own mistakes and don't let your friend take up your shit.

Incident 1:

My friend was accused for not paying up electrical and water bills for three months. The owner demand an explanation for the rental too. In actual fact, everyone has left the house without a word. The poor girl, too, was also surprise to see them all gone one day when she return home. She had a hard time explaining to the owner. In the end, she had to make a police report in order to justify that she is innocent .

Everyone left the house without a word of explanation. This included her friend whom she invited to stay with her. At least if you decided to leave you should settle your bills and informed people so that there will be accountability. She felt so betrayed by her friend and her housemates. All of them were rich girls and they could afford shoes and clothing but they couldn’t afford the monthly bills. All were forced down into my friend’s throat.

Furthermore, that is not the end of it, in the school she was accused again by her very same friend who had left without explanation. She was scolded by the principal for not befriending that girl. Let me say this straight,

To the girl who accused my friend, 'Blardy hell, you don’t pay the electrical and water bill for three months, you left without word and I have to take up all your shit. Now you dare to tell the principal I am not befriending you?! Go get a life!'

Incident 2:

My friend was again scolded by the principal because that girl who left my friend in a rut to mend things back accused her for not returning back her deposit.

Tell me, if you being the host and rent out a room to someone who is not responsible and left you in heaps of bills to pay. Not only that, he or she left without saying a word. Would you want to pay the deposit back?

This is what I will say to the irresponsible person, 'Please pay up the last three months bills first. Clean up the room again and the toilet you had dirtied then I will consider whether to give you back your deposit. Then go back to the principal and tell her its your fault!'

This is so unfair that my friend had to be treated this way when in the first place she invited her to stay with her because she couldn’t find a room. Out of kindness, this is what she get in return. Don’t worry, in this world there is one thing I always believe in and that is called KARMA.
is sky the limit... why you dun wan to friend friend her?

Sunday, September 10, 2006

Si Nenek bercakap, "Laparlah saya... tolonglah saya"

In case you do not know what is my title about for today, let me interpret it for you. It means the following below.

"Granny said, 'I am hungry... help me, please'"

What do you think of this statement? Sounded awful and felt very pity right? You can try to imagining an old frail lady begging for food in a food stall. However, the story goes the other way and it occured TWICE.

One day in 1 Utama at the food court,

Me and Florence : * yum yum - enjoying our claypot mee and fried rice *

* an old lady holding something came to our table *

Old Lady : Help me, young man, buy this pen from me, so i can eat...
Me : err... no thank you, auntie... i am not interested...

Old Lady : Help me lar, this pen is RM5 only, i have not eat for whole day...
Me : err... sorry auntie, i'm really not interested in buying that pen...

Old Lady : You don't buy, I don't have money to eat lar... help me... I am hungry...
Me : *_*"" - started to feel guilty...

Old Lady : * she moves on to the next table *
Me : * i looked at my wife and then i looked at my plate of fried rice... damn i felt so GUILTY *

Me : Ok ok lar... i buy that pen from you lar...

* The old lady gone... missing... no where to be found *

After one month and forgotten, it happened again,

Me and Florence : * yum yum - having laksa and rojak mee *

* old lady appear at our table again *

Old Lady : Help me... buy a pen... so i can eat... please
Me : * gulp *

* she looked at my wife *

Florence : * Politely shook her head to refuse her *
Me : Sorry, I am not interested...

Old Lady : Help me... if you don't buy my pen... how can i buy food?

* she hunched forward and looked at our food, Yes, Yes, i am not joking, she did just that. She bend forward and looked at our food. No kidding! She really bend over to look at our food! Seriously... *

Me and Florence : * we looked at each other... dumbfound by her actions! *

Old Lady : * She walked to the next table *
Me : * I felt so bad and so GUILTY again! *

Me : Ayo... Can someone of her relatives do something about it? Really TBT!!!!

Now i am avoiding the 1-Utama food court. If can't i just try to finish as fast as possible and leave. It's not that i don't want to help strangers. She got one big box of pens on her left hand and one pen on her right hand to sell it. I know that even if i can give her RM10 for 3 pens, i think she will still continue to do her thing. For the last two weeks, i was felt so guilty. Then came second again.

Do you think i should buy something from old people when they come to my table?

PS: TBT - Tak Boleh Tahan

is sky the limit... will her relatives please go and help her... please!

Tuesday, September 05, 2006

A stumble upon a Bangladeshi selling chestnut

Last week, a conversation with a Bangladeshi worker selling chestnut oppostite Jusco supermarket in 1-Utama made me think of a few things. The conversation was something like below:

Chestnut Seller : Malaysia good... very good... economy also good... prime minister good... goverment very good...
Me : Really?

CS : Um... Um... very good.... * giving me the thumbs up *
Me : So you like staying here?

CS : Um... Um... Yes, here is good...
Me : I see... where is your hometown?

CS : Oh... I come from Bangladesh!
Me : Oh I see...

They are happy indeed to be able to come to work in Malaysia even with the lowest pay. And now i doubt that their low wages. I wish that i could say something good and be positive like them about my current pay...

Me : ... ayo ayo... maciam mana mau baik... petrol naik harga... roti naik harga... air naik harga... tapi itu pay ar... tarak naik harga... apa pun tarak baik... itu blardy LDP toll pun mau naik harrrga... makan pasirrr kali ini... tarrrrak baik ... tarrrrak baik... pay mesti naik... tak naik... tarak naik... tarak baikk...
(in translation, it means how can it be good when petrol price is up, bread price is up, water price is up but my pay there is no increment... then everything is no good... and even blardy LDP toll price plan to go up... eat sand this time... no good... no good... my pay must increase... no increase... no good)

Garment : Anda mesti jimat... baik untuk anda...
(in translation, it means you've to say and its good for you)

is sky the limit... A Bangladeshi and A Malaysian...